An Authentic Vibe
Read Time: 5 mins
Who’s the most authentic, genuine person you know? And what kind of energy do they radiate and how does that vibe make you feel?
I safely assume that their vibe is wonderfully infectious. It gets in your bones. Lifts you up. Makes you feel more at ease with your own hang-ups. Helps you realize that we’re endearingly imperfect and doing the best we can.
If that’s true, then each one of us has not only a right but an obligation to be ourselves. This seemingly simple choice is potentially revolutionary. Imagine billions of people being their true, authentic selves. Sounds like a party!
Skeptics will frown, arguing it’s not possible. We can’t all just be ourselves. It’d be chaotic! Anarchy! Loafers in the street and danger in the corner!
But maybe these skeptics are afraid to be themselves. Afraid to vibe on their own vibe. Afraid to vibe with others who vibe on their own vibe.
In some ways, I can’t blame them. I even feel sorry for them. I actually feel sorry for all of us. Vibing on your own authentic self is harder than it seems.
We live in a world of social constraints. Most people like the constraint because it masks our uncertainties and insecurities. If we follow the norm we don’t have to deal with the fact that we can’t live up to the norm. News flash: Social norms are socially constructed and hyper idealistic. No one can leave up to them. Rather than dealing with this reality, we psychologically lie to ourselves and keep chasing the norm. It’s a cruel world that we have created for ourselves.
Look at any playground and the evidence is obvious. From an early age we start badgering each other to dress, act, and talk in very specific ways. Falling out of line invites ridicule and outcasting. God forbid if Mary likes short hair or Jonny likes Barbie dolls. Or Jamal hangs with the headbangers or Aleema with the smokers. At some point it just becomes easier to give in. Just follow the norm, even if the norm deadens your soul.
But this socio-normative defeatism invokes its own vibe. It’s not just what we say and do that keeps us inline. It’s also the collective vibe. Whispers, stares, and glances evoke their own energy. It’s a gray mist that weighs us down. If you live in that mist long enough, you forget it’s there. You learn to act “appropriately” so that the mist is less noticeable, less cumbersome, less unpleasant. This self-replicating system plays out in most areas of life—families and playgrounds, proms and soccer fields, frat houses and keggers, auto shops and boardrooms, text chains and social media, internal reactions and the cop in your head.
But here’s the thing: Each of us is born free. I’m not ignoring oppression, social stratification, and despotic regimes. Those are real and should be challenged at every turn. But at a fundamental human level, we can choose to act differently, we can choose to be different, we can choose to be ourselves.
I want to acknowledge that the ability to be yourself is relative to your social positioning. A single parent of three children from an under-sourced neighborhood has other concerns than “being one’s self.” But this is not always the case. I’ve known people that fit the previous description who were genuine and unapologetically themselves. That’s the beauty of an authentic vibe: Your true, authentic self emanates a particular kind of vibe that cuts through the social bullshit. And it actually helps others be themselves too. An authentic vibe inspires, enlightens, invites, and leads without ever saying a word.
So back to the original question. Who’s the most authentic, genuine person you know? Now try to emulate that authenticity. Try it out for a day. Even if you’re by yourself. In fact, maybe it’s best if you try it alone. You can even take smaller steps. Try on that hat you bought months ago but never wore in public. Listen to that guilty pleasure song. Sing out loud in the living room. Have a solo naked dance party. Close your eyes and imagine walking your own walk, the way you always wanted to. Laugh unconditionally, all by yourself and for no reason. Be you, even if it’s only a few minutes here and there.
The point is to let the building blocks of your self align as they’ve always intended, and to let those true, authentic vibrations radiate like sunshine and rainbows. It’s a process of becoming a better you, and of making the world a better place for all.
*Of course, maybe you’re not about sunshine and rainbows. Maybe that ain’t your vibe at all. Then great. Find your thing, whatever it is, and vibe with it!
Here’s a song to get you in the mood. Fly and the Family Stone, “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)”. Courtesy of themOrus via YouTube. I believe this is from an appearance on the Dick Cavett Show, July 13, 1970.